Cat and I met at turbulent times in our lives.
She had just lost her husband & I was coming out of a failing relationship while struggling to find myself and my purpose. When our paths crossed, we found support and the drive to help each other move forward. Professionally, I was a full-time sex worker helping folks to work through relationship with sexual identity as well as hosting BDSM education & experiential events all while freelancing as a photographer. Cat was owner, operator and manager of an event space in Manhattan that catered to the adult community around sexual exploration. She was a safe space for those to come explore and ask their questions. She helped walked people out of the shadows into their own power of identity.
By this time in our relationship, we had collectively hosted thousands of weekly events. We had met and helped thousands of people with the first steps on their journey of exploration.It was difficult to find our footing, as the world kept shifting beneath our feet. The first year was about keeping our heads above water; we were lifelines for each other. We worked hard on maintaining the event space that was left behind when Cat’s husband died of cancer. We worked and we worked hard until the very last day the doors were open.
We were both in survival mode.
We survived.
When we relocated to a personal safe haven, we dug in deep. We put our best foot forward, healing and growing from what life put in front of us… We did a lot of heavy lifting. It worked. It worked very well.
We began growing our experiential kink events at other local venues, our weekend intensive program was ramping up, photography was growing. Our services were growing and things were becoming stable. More importantly, we were finding stability personally and together. We had just wrapped our first weekend intensive called “People Before Kink”.
Then COVID hit.
COVID brought in a new set of circumstances.
We were impacted heavily financially, as all of our work required person to person contact. Everything came to a stand-still, as it did for most folks.
We didn’t want to abandon the community, as we were one of the only safe spaces for so many people. We immediately started online programs to fill the void created in our community by COVID. We weren’t sure what the scope would be or how successful it could be. We successfully hosted online events for almost a year, while continuing to flesh out more programs and other options for folks looking to develop personally in these times of isolation.
We also used this time to reflect, explore and grow. In these isolated months we had our own battles with ourselves. Imposter syndrome. Denial. Aggravation. Stagnation. At times we felt stuck and unsure. Yet, we stuck by our truths and commitment to our relationship, our progress, our process and our purpose. It was not easy, and as we all know… nothing worthwhile comes easy. We cannot ask others to walk a path that we ourselves haven’t.
We had to practice what we were preaching.
What COVID taught us was the value and scarcity of time. How could we take what we had been using to help folks on an individual level and expand on that? How could we put that power in the hands of the students/clients? How could we empower them to walk their walk as we had started our own.
How would we teach the power of holding space. Not just a lecture-based process, but a way that actually gave a person the very experience we were having the privilege of navigating. Knowing that it only takes one time of being exposed to this process to understand the power behind it.
“People Before Kink”
On the other side of our investment into each other, ourselves and the work we had committed ourselves to, we refined our program, “People Before Kink”. We used all of our knowledge, life experiences and wisdom to create and bring forth a program of unparalleled empowerment. We developed a deeper-reaching program, one that expanded well beyond our foundation of kink and sexuality, into who we are fundamentally.
We launched this program with the intention of creating a tribe of like-minded members. Understanding that social markers do not identify tribe. Intention. Goals. The desire to want deeper connections is what builds these bonds. Understanding we are all on our own paths, at our own pace…
Our alumni group has grown to almost 200 strong.
We also came to understand that, at this level, markers like race, religion, sex, orientation, political affiliations keep us separate. We want more. We want to be surrounded by people who want more. Not just from this moment, but from life’s journey. We want to be valued. Respected. Equal.
What are we doing now? We are helping people find their voice. As they find strength, they become their own best advocates. We also bring the understanding that “there is no blueprint” and “we aren’t late/lost”. We guide folks to this awareness in the space we hold. In the conversations we have. Through the education and processing, we assist others through our years of experience.
We love the work we do. We help people find their strength in presence.
We have found purpose in helping others get “unstuck”.
During this time, we have been relegated to using other peoples’ spaces. Rising prices have closed doors for us, and venues aren’t always amenable to the work we do.
Until now.
An amazing opportunity has landed in our lap. We have an opportunity to host in our own space again. The space is in East Harlem. Just blocks away from where I was raised. We are building The Sanctuary of East Harlem. A healing center…for people seeking it from everywhere, and, specifically to bring respite to people who are right here. Our journey has been amazing. Our path has been widened by the people who support us, by the folks who have experienced their own growth on their own journeys right alongside us. We are grateful for and humbled by the path we have found ourselves on, and more than excited to see what comes next!
