Resources

MITPISA

This is a short-hand negotiation form for playing with people you are just meeting, or to be sure you have covered the basics for every time you play. These items are meant to be a dialogue, back and forth, where all the parties speak to the questions

M - Marks - Are you ok with marks (leaving and/or receiving)? If so where?

I - Injuries and Illnesses - Do you have any injuries or illnesses that will prevent us from playing safely? Do you have any conditions that require attention regularly? Asthma, heart, blood pressure and pain can require medications that can impact our interactions with others

T - Triggers, Turn offs, Tone and Time - Do you have any triggers? Hair pulling, face slapping, belts, certain words can all be triggers for people based on past experience. Turn offs, while not quite triggers, can simply pull us out of our headspace. Tone refers to how you want to be spoken to? Commanding? Caring? Sharp? Is there a way you don’t want to be spoken to? Time - how long are we each able/prepared to spend today

P - Proximity - How close can someone be? Can they touch you with their hands? With their whole body? How close do you want to be to someone? Do you want to touch them with your hands? With your whole body?

I - Interaction and Intensity - What kind(s) of interactions would you like to have with others? How intensely do you want to be played with? How intensely do you want to play?

S - Sex, Safety, Safe Words, Substances and Senses - Sex is something that may or may not be part of your scene. It is important to talk about it in advance. Do we want to be sexual? If so, in what way? What about safety - precautions, testing, etc.? Once you make a decision, stick with it. You can always decide to forego sex, but never add it after the fact. For safe words, the Kink Collective uses Red, Yellow, Mayday and Mercy. Red means stop, Yellow means check in, Mayday is for needing help during a scene, if something goes wrong, the top should never leave the bottom. So instead, we call “Mayday” and the dm’s can come help. Mercy is when everything is ok, and the bottom needs the top to pull back ever so slightly. Substances - have you had alcohol or any other mood or mind altering substances? If you cry, how would you like me to handle it?

A - Aftercare and Anything Else - What do we each need for aftercare? Is there anything else we need to go over? Have you eaten? Gone to the bathroom?

Bondage Glossary

Bondage - Bondage involves consensually restraining someone’s body with ropes, chains, cuffs,silk ties, vet wrap, plastic wrap, duck tape, etc. for a number of purposes. Some of these are eroticism, BDSM play, meditation, the furthering of a D/s relationship and more. While it can be thrilling and enjoyable, there are inherent risks. Clear communication, understanding our partners needs, establishing limits and boundaries and more can make sure both parties are safe.

BDSM - Stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission and Sado-Masochism

As healing - BDSM can be used in a variety of ways to promote healing and better health, from physical pain, stress and tension

As therapy - BDSM can also be used as therapy for issues like trauma, ptsd, childhood abuse and more

Restraints - Can be used in a variety of contexts, such as medicine to prevent a patient from harming themselves or others,, in law enforcement, or in BDSM to enhance connection between two or more play between partners

Physical - The use of objects or devices such as handcuffs, rope, chains, cuffs, straps and straightjackets, to limit a person's mobility.

Psychological - The use of language, social pressure or other means to limit a person’s behavior or choices.

Shibari - A general term for rope bondage. Used interchangeably with the term Kinbaku. Involves intricate and artistic tying of the body with ropes. It is known for its specific use of knots and techniques to create a variety of different patterns of shapes as well as its focus on the physical and emotional connection between the person tying (the rigger) and the person being tied (the model or bottom). A Japanese term that refers to the act of tying someone tightly. It is a general term that can be applied to any type of rope tying, including the use of rope for practical purposes such as securing cargo or restraining prisoners.

Kinbaku - The erotic art of Japanese rope bondage. Used interchangeably with the term Shibari. It involves using rope to create intricate patterns and designs on the body, with a focus on the aesthetic and emotional aspects of the practice. Kinbaku is often associated with BDSM and is used as a way to explore power dynamics

Energy Exchange - In BDSM, when a person(s) provides an experience for another (flogging, tying, fire, etc.) and another receives it. This is known as “topping” and “bottoming”. Energy exchange happens in many places and involves give and take.

Power Exchange - Specifically refers to Dominance and submission, when one person agrees to submit and the other to be in control. This can happen with or without BDSM play, and usually exists between parties who have come to know one another

Objectification - As it sounds, the Top or Dominant treats the bottom or submissive as if they were an object. This can be made manifest in a number of ways - furniture, sexual play-thing, etc. This is always consensual!

Safety - BDSM is inherently not safe. There are only safer ways to practice. This involves knowing the modality, being somewhat trained and skilled with the implements before engaging with another person, properly negotiating, understanding your partners’ needs and limitations, among other things

Safewords - Specially designated words that are used to indicate that either party needs to check in or stop altogether. These words are commonly “yellow” and “red”, respectively, but can be anything so long as all parties know what they are and feel comfortable using them.

Potential Physical Harm - cuts, bruises, marks, nerve damage, restricted breathing, skin rashes

Potential Emotional Distress - fear, anxiety, panic, triggered, past trauma

Predicament Bondage - This is a kind of bondage where the bottom/submissive is restrained in such a way that they must choose between one or another type of distress or discomfort. For example, being tied up by the hair just far up enough that one has to stand on tiptoes for your head to be comfortable.

Mummification - Bondage using plastic or palette wrap

Mental Bondage - Psychological bondage, often by way of speech (the giving of commands and the threat of punishment for failure to comply)

Wearable Bondage - Chest harnesses and other ways of wearing rope (mostly). There are many styles and colors of rope and can be used in a myriad of ways, both for physical sensation and aesthetic look.